In the depth of my despair, when everything I thought I knew about myself felt like a lie, the only image that brought relief was a fantasy of being consumed by the ocean. I didn’t recognize at the time the significance of this beautifully morbid longing, to swim deep into the sea, to completely surrender, and to let her consume me whole. The vision felt like home, like comfort, like freedom. It wasn’t death that called to me, but surrender itself, the release, the consumptio

When the barriers of projection, judgement and pity fall away, we're left with truth.

Acceptance is key to happiness. We drop the bullshit and move into the present moment without the baggage of the past.

What once felt like my entire life was crashing down uppon me. Later I'd call it a massive ego death. Now feels more like a profound reorganization of truth. The dissolving of what was never truly me, so that something more whole could emerge. At the time, reality itself seemed to lose shape, and all I could do was surrender to the unknown. Now, with perspective, I recognize how natural the process was. It feels much like being caught in an undertow. As a teenager, I was once

The aloneness of seeing the world from a different colour pallet.

Living in fear doesn’t mean what I once thought it meant. If you had asked me last year if I live in a state of fear I would have said no. Consciously I didn’t feel I was living in fear. I had mastered the skill of not worrying, had very little anxiety and could manage so many stressful things with grace. What I wasn’t aware of at the time was that huge pieces of my identity were fabricated in fear. My perception of reality and lies I’d tell myself were based in fear. My inab

The freedom of no longer obsessively maintaining an identity

As the tornado dissipates, you might find yourself in a vast open field. You no longer remember who you were or where you were going. When the winds turn into stillness, you’ll realize there’s nothing as far as the eye can see. You try calling out, but there’s nothing…. You stand up… look around…. Sit down again…. Who were you? Where were you going? Are you supposed to be doing something now? You realize the awareness that once felt threatening and almost violent has now shif

The quiet is so big and vast and empty. A sense of unease begins to cloud the open empty field. The field is now an old house. Pieces of your hurt ego are watching through the windows. Where did they come from? Hadn’t you already freed them? You close the blinds, but they start knocking on the doors. They’re everywhere, trying to get in. The more you resist them, the louder and more terrifying they become. You change your approach, open the doors and welcome them in. Embrace

When the balloon pops, what’s revealed is that you’ve never truly existed. You’re nothing but space/air/awareness. Space/air is nothing, nothing exists and neither do you. The cushy ego/balloon was a false sense you were something other than air/space/awareness. What was inside of the balloon has now been absorbed into all that is. Imagine we are all balloons. The thick rubber layer is our self (the witness) and our identity (the character). As we go through life, this rubber