The more I observe my experience, the more it feels like much of what we feel in any environment is shaped by what we bring into perception. Judgments, preferences, assumptions, expectations, definitions, stories, and identifications are constantly being overlaid onto reality. The mind interprets and assigns meaning. Over time those overlays begin to form the felt sense of the space. A place can feel heavy, stressful, unsafe, peaceful, special, draining, or healing. Not only

After playing around with moving in and out of various states of the neutral witness and pure awareness, I’ve found a few reliable ways back to it when the mind won’t relax and the conditions aren’t ideal. What I call the neutral witness can also be called pure awareness. There seems to be debatable differences between the two states. They can feel like different depths of the same recognition, though the witness can carry a subtle sense of being separate from what’s observed

Most of us are driven, consciously or unconsciously, by a need to feel worthy. Psychologically, this can serve as a way the ego organizes identity, regulates shame, and creates a sense of meaning, purpose, and belonging. Yet, something begins to shift when that need falls away. The structure of hierarchy starts to dissolve. In place of worth, a more fundamental sense of unity can emerge. The first major shift I experienced was seeing clearly that everyone is already 100% wort

When we stop getting caught up in our usual patterns, (our thoughts, judgments, assumptions, and emotional loops) life starts to feel more fresh. Things feel more immediate, more real and more alive. Even something ordinary like driving to work can feel different. Instead of being on autopilot or getting irritated by other drivers, there’s just what’s happening. The drive is the drive and it feels lovely. There’s less tension when we’re not constantly making it mean something

Many people think they can will themselves into being a better person, not realizing they’re simply pushing everything down. This creates passive aggression, builds resentment and can create physical tension and illness in the body. I’m quite certain the only way to be genuinely forgiving, gentle and truly understanding (without gaslighting yourself, self-abandoning, or blunting your emotions) is by fully facing yourself. By meeting the beliefs you’ve been holding as truth, a

For a long time, I related to myself like a clinician observing a client from the outside. I could analyze my patterns and understand my history, but was subtly disconnected from my emotional experience. My body and nervous system didn’t understand what my mind understood. When the mind is disconnected from the body, it’s almost as if they’re speaking a different language. No matter how much insight I had, my body couldn't really receive it. Everything abruptly changed when I

Most of us are living behind subtle walls. Not the obvious kinds we can see, but layers within our experience that filter how deeply we meet life, ourselves, and each other. These layers constantly interact, reinforcing and shaping one another. At the surface there’s the mind. The mind creates stories, meanings and beliefs about what we experience. These interpretations feel real, and over time they form the lens through which we see ourselves and the world. Our perception of

Over the past year and a half it’s felt as though layers of illusion have slowly been revealing themselves. At first it showed up through the stories we carry about ourselves. The struggles with self-worth, abandonment, beliefs, attachments and fears. It felt like a shift in perspective, as if a new pair of glasses suddenly revealed the subtle mechanics beneath how we relate to ourselves and the world. As those layers loosened, something deeper became visible. Much of our inn

Most of us don’t realize how many layers exist between ourselves and direct contact with life. Distractions, beliefs, emotional protection, and the body’s survival based contractions all create subtle barriers. In traditions like Shambhala Buddhism, this softening of our protective structures is sometimes described as developing basic goodness and fearlessness. Fearlessness doesn’t mean the absence of vulnerability, it’s the willingness to be present while the armour dissolve

Most of us think we know what self-abandonment is. We think it’s not speaking up, not setting boundaries, saying yes when we mean no. It often looks like kindness. It looks like being understanding, letting something slide, staying quiet so we don’t create friction. On the surface, it appears loving. Yet below the surface, this behaviour slowly erodes our relationship with others and ourselves. The moment we override our direct experience we move away from ourselves and the o

A couple of years ago I was in a relationship where, from the outside, it looked like everything was being fulfilled. The best restaurants several times a week. Great wine, nice clothes, vacations. The kind of attention and affection I had always wanted. The kind of life that should feel deeply satisfying. Yet, I became painfully aware of a void inside myself. It seemed like the more luxury that was had, the more noticeable the void was. Eventually I was hit with the realizat

When awakening opens through the head, there’s a sense of specialness that comes from seeing. Clarity, insight, understanding. Life feels significant because it’s known. There’s a subtle orientation around being the one who sees. Big epiphanies can come with energy, and that energy can feel intoxicating. When awakening opens through the heart, specialness comes through feeling. Love is vivid. Emotion is alive. Experience feels meaningful because it’s felt so deeply. There’s i

A while back, I wrote a post about the grief of oneness. At the time, I didn’t realize this was the gut coming online. The oneness that’s felt through the gut is different from the head or the heart. It isn’t the clear, spacious understanding that often comes with a head awakening, and it isn’t the sense of interconnected love that opens through the heart. It feels more like being stripped of everything personal. Like the absence of a separate self. A felt sense of non-existe

The deeper I go into this experience, the more I feel like a calm, emotionally neutral mother. From this place, I’m witnessing and emotionally attuning to different parts of myself. These parts have space to be seen as the body feels safe, the mind quiets, and identification loosens. What’s interesting is that I’ve never really explored parts work, yet I see it very clearly. Wounded parts from specific ages step in to take charge when certain emotions are triggered. I’m now a

Recently I’ve been noticing something interesting. Any time I build a story, meaning, or judgement with a pull, if I look at it closely it begins to lose its substance. This seems to unfold naturally. A conclusion forms, and as soon as it’s seen, an opposing story or interpretation arises. Then another, and another. With enough perspectives available, none of them can hold. They all begin to feel empty. What becomes clear is that our stories, meanings, and judgements are shap

Yesterday I turned 41 and took a picture of myself. I loved the way my wrinkles showed my age. It felt honest and dynamic. After I made the image my profile picture on Facebook, something changed. I became aware how Facebook is almost an anti-wrinkle container. I rarely see women my age posting pictures like mine. I was surprised by how it landed in my body. Even though I’ve moved through many layers of caring about how I’m perceived, I felt an internal dissonance emerge. I w

Identification is like a thick cloud that prevents us from seeing clearly. It obscures the view beyond our ego structure. Most of us are moving through life in a fog. For some the fog is thick and constant. For others, it comes and goes. Here’s a common example of being in the fog. You accidentally cut someone off on the highway. They start honking at you. Immediately, a wave of shame arises. That shame hooks into a thought “I’m a fuckup” and the mind begins to spiral. On the

Most of us carry a deep desire to be seen, understood, and mirrored. When life feels disorienting, it’s natural to look outside ourselves for grounding (or numb out). We often long for someone who can reflect us back into coherence. A juicy desire to be held by someone who can truly see and meet us. Yet how often are we genuinely doing this for ourselves? There are moments when we reach out and find no amount of reassurance, understanding, or presence from another can fully s

There is a grief that lives deep within my heart. It aches with beauty. This grief lives in a groundless ocean, slowly sinking into a bottomless void. Within the void lives radiance, the loving beauty held inside the grief. At times it shines so brightly it’s almost too much to look at. It overwhelms the heart and the soul. A radiance that brings tears without a story. Within this beautiful radiance grief still lives as an aching pain. The pain of a vulnerable heart. The pain

When we find a place of stillness within the mind, body, and soul, insight can move freely through the whole system, integrating naturally as it’s both understood and felt. As resistance softens, the system is able to flow on its own. This is where true transformation occurs, without effort. Insight arrives cleanly, the body trusts, and from that trust, embodiment unfolds. We can’t force the body to believe what the mind is saying. The body requires safety, and the whole syst