Overcoming Attachment Wounds

During the experience of Kundalini rising, I was forced to change the relationship with myself and the outer world. This meant speaking the truth, honoring myself, ending patterns of self-abandonment, establishing boundaries, learning to accept emotional vulnerability, and choosing to run toward my emotional experience instead of hiding from it. It also meant becoming acutely aware of my patterns, bodily contractions, emotions, and thoughts.

As I attempt to navigate relationships, no longer operating from the place I once did, I’m not always sure how to respond. When I feel someone reaching out to be rescued or soothed, it stands out immediately. My instinct isn’t to rescue anymore, it’s more like confusion. When someone puts up a wall, I notice it, but instead of automatically putting up my own wall so that we both feel safe, I find myself not knowing how to respond. When I do the same, when my own wall goes up, it stands out. I’m confused by my own reflex. Every reaction in my body becomes visible, and it feels as if I’m learning the dynamics of relationship all over again, from square one. It’s disorienting, but also revealing.

This morning, I woke with a sense of clarity. For the first time, I could see, feel, hear, know, and understand what I’m meant to do. It all came together. I can feel it in my bones. I’m meant to hold space for others.

If someone is gasping to be rescued, I can offer them a container, a space where they can rescue themselves. If someone puts up a wall, I can hold a container that feels safe enough for their walls to soften and dissolve.

That container is built from non-judgment, communication, and unconditional love. While still holding each person responsible for their own experience. I don’t need to distance myself emotionally if I’m secure in my own ability to hold that kind of space.

It’s so simple, and yet it has taken forty years for me to see this dynamic with such clarity and depth. I can feel I’m being guided into a healthier form of attachment. One grounded in presence, compassion, and truth. I now have this awareness with a new understanding of what to do with the awareness. It's as if I'm a child, relearning how to function, only this time building from a safer ground.