The Kundalini Rising Part 1

Knowing who I was had always been the foundation of my sense of safety. My strong sense of self had been my anchor, something I could rely on to navigate the world. So when, in the summer of 2024, it suddenly felt as if my entire identity was an illusion, it was terrifying. It was the most emotionally destabilizing experience of my life.

I felt like a failure, raw, exposed, unable to hold myself together. I was no longer the mother I thought I was, or the person. I couldn’t recognize myself anymore. The protective shell I’d built over a lifetime had dissolved, leaving me profoundly vulnerable. I had hit emotional rock bottom. I had always been the person who was emotionally strong and now I was emotionally not ok.

During this time, I began to notice a few key shifts. The first was energetic. My energy felt vast and expansive, in a way I’d never known. I had always been sensitive to energy, but this was different. It felt as though something deep within me was expanding. The second shift was perceptual. It was as if I was seeing the world through a new lens. I could suddenly perceive the layers of my own psyche, as well as the subtle patterns in others. Every morning around 3 a.m., I would wake up flooded with insights. Insights about my conditioning, random topics, and the nature of life itself.

After a month of this, I decided to make two appointments. One with an energy healer who might help me understand this new sensitivity, and another with my doctor to discuss the possibility of psychosis. Thankfully, the energy appointment came first.

During the session, I mentioned a strange sensation, like a ball of energy sitting behind my uterus and slightly lower. As I described it, I almost laughed at myself. But when she asked me to tune into it, everything changed. The moment I focused inward, the ball opened. It felt as though three streams of energy began moving in my pelvis, and then a powerful current of energy shot up my spine, burst at the top of my head, and cascaded back down into my pelvis.

That was the moment when I learnt all about Kundalini. It marked the beginning of a nine month rising. An intense process in which energy moved slowly up through each chakra, energetically and psychologically purifying each centre as it rose. It forced me to completely re-examine my relationship with both my inner and outer worlds.

During that period, I experienced moments of heightened intuition and psychic sensitivity, waves of insight into non-duality and human psychology, and phases of intense energetic movement through my body. Every few weeks, it felt as if another veil had lifted, each one revealing the world with increasing clarity. I’d call it getting a new set of glasses each time the ability to perceive would shift.

Until it finally reached the crown. The beginning of a new phase. A phase of pure awareness, integration, and the slow dissolution of self.

The first phase had been about finding myself. Now, it was about losing the self entirely.