Finding Safety Within Misattunement

The other day I saw through my need to be understood. Historically this desire has been rooted in a somatic sense of threat. Over explaining provided me with a false sense of safety. The safety stems from wanting to control a false narrative, or what I believe to be a false narrative. It’s as if a false narrative somehow threatens my very existence. As if I’ve somehow become trapped and identified with the version of myself that lives in someone else’s mind.

This is a misperceived threat. Once this understanding is truly embodied, we’re freed from this false sense of danger. When the fear dissolves, so does the threat based need to be properly seen and understood. If the opportunity presents itself, we can use it to clear the misattunement, however our sense of inner peace no longer depends on clearing the air.

It feels good to be seen, understood, and on good terms with others, but it's not a threat to our identity or existence when this doesn’t happen all of the time. When the body truly understands this, the nervous system no longer reacts as if misunderstanding is dangerous. It simply allows.

The need to over explain, the need to self abandon and the need to muffle our truth dissolves. Allowing no longer feels like passivity or collapse, it feels like a sovereign peaceful truth. The body recognizes its own truth as safe, no longer orienting to another person’s nervous system for confirmation. Our sense of peace comes from within.